Freaking Out

There is a little girl in our ward that keeps saying to me "You need to have a baby" YES I KNOW I NEED TO HAVE A BABY!!! STOP TELLING ME!! Of course she loves babies and she just wants me to have one so that she can hold it. But still I am getting tired of it. It seems like every time I turn around people are talking about babies or their kids. And I can't join in because I don't have any. I want a baby so bad!!! So when people are all talking about their kids around me, it just makes me feel like they are rubbing it in my face. Which I know that is not what they are meaning to do, but that is how I take it. I know that I just need to be patient but I have been wanting children for a long time and now that I can, I can't, if that makes any sense. I want a little Andy running around the house playing with trucks, I want a little Lizzie with pretty pig tails playing ring around the rosey. And sometimes when I say how much I want these things, they start to tell me about all the work babies are. I wish that I could slap them in the face when they tell me those kinds of things. I know that babies are work, I am not a retard! Why can't they just let me be? Why can't they just let me have my little dreams? Why do they have to smear it in my face!? I am sick of being preached to and given advice to every time I talk about anything. Just LET ME BE!!!!!!!!!!!

Snow

It snowed last night and the ground is covered in a beautiful blanket of whiteness!! One of the good things about snow when you were young was that you didn't have school, now when you are all grown up and have a job and it snows you still have to come in to work..... Even though nobody will come in, and nobody will call, and your boss is not even going to be there....



I don't even have a good excuse to not be there, because I live off of the main street, so it is always safe to drive on. Oh well at least it snowed!!



Andy's birthday was yesterday, he is 18... oh my gosh I can't believe he is that old. That means that I am old.... Just wait till Heather turns 18, then I really will be old... gosh.

Why do I have to have a title??

It is odd sometimes when you are watching a movie or reading a book and you feel like you are there in the story or that it is happening to you. It happens to me often. The world around me floats away and I am in the one from the story. When I was in school I would always have a book with me to read, and sometimes when I would read for a long time I would forget that I was at school in the first place. The bell would ring and I would wake up from the dream I was in. It would take me a moment to remember that yes I was at school. Sometimes I wish that I could have stayed in that dream.

Karen is not here today and she didn't leave me any work to do. So I have been watching movies on netflix. I needed a break from that so I thought I would write. On these days when she isn't here and I sit with nothing to do, I wish I could just go home. I always have to be on the look out for a client or someone that might come in. I watched a whole movie standing up so that I could see out the windows making sure I would be able to turn off the movie in time. I can't even listen to my ipod because I need to be able to hear the phone.

Is it crazy do you think not to turn on any lights? But instead to use candles? I have gone into super money saving mode, for the past couple of days I have been using candles around my house. Is that insane? Is that going to far to save money?

I can't wait to see the next office episode!! Andy finds out about Dwight and Angela!!! This ought to be good! For the past couple of weeks they have been having re-runs. But next week all that will change!!

I was reading my old journal yesterday. Oh my gosh it is so funny reading your thoughts about people and remembering thing that you forgot about and if you never wrote it down you would have never remembered them at all. Some people get embarrassed about the things they thought or felt when they read their old journals, but I find it funny to read mine. Like for example when I was in middle school, I thought that I was going to marry this boy because once when I thought about him, my ring finger itched..... now that is funny. Feel free to laugh.

I love window seats. I love just sitting in them and watching out the window or reading a book with the sunlight. This office has one, because it used to be a house. Sometimes on days like this I will just sit on the window seat and watch the cars go down Newton St. It can be very relaxing to watch traffic.

What am I even talking about anymore???? I haven't the faintest idea.....

my head hurts

We have run out of tissues in the office and at home. I hate it when there are no tissues and you have to use toilet paper. It just isn't the same. There is just something about a tissue that makes you feel good.

I am at work right now. Karen told me that she would be gone this afternoon by 2:30.... and right now it is 3:30 and she is still here.... I like it when she is not here. Oh well the day is almost over, Yea!

Christmas was awesome! Stephen got me an ipod!! We got up at like 5:30, opened our presents then went over to my parents at like 7:00 to watch my family open their presents. We stayed over there most of the day.

So now Karen is gone and I have only ten minutes before I get to go home. It snowed all day today, it was really pretty! I wish more of it could have stuck to the ground. Hopefully we will get a good amount before winter is over.

My keyboard is only a couple months old and I have already started to wear it down. The space bar is making a funny noise when I touch it and sometimes gives me trouble about spacing. Which is not fun. I have tried pressing the space bar with my left hand, haha but that didn't last to long. I guess I will jut have to get used to the funny noise.

Tomorrow I will get a half day!!! That makes me happy :)

Stephen is going to start school next week. He is going to school full time and still going to be working full time. Our free time together will soon be taken away, but it won't last forever.

Well I am out of here.